Sometimes I feel guilty about my fear. As a Christian, I have heard the declarations over fear and the claims that it is a sin. I've read all of the verses in scripture that say, "Do not fear." I know that fear, like laziness or greed, is a vice. But is it opposed to faith?
What if being safe and listening the CDC guidelines is not an act of fear at all but an act of love?
Self-doubt turns me inward and tells me I'll never be good enough. But the Bible is full of stories of helplessly broken people who were used for God's glory, not because of their confidence or abilities, but because of God's power within them.
We are not made to find all of the answers in our own individual experiences. When we share stories, we pile hope into an already vast collection of shared hopes and triumphs--stories of faith and overcoming despite all of the reasons to despair.
Love is hard, especially love that brings doubt. But sometimes that doubt is a pathway to more love.
"though Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus, after having heard that Lazarus was ill, he stayed two days longer in the place where he was."
I had forgotten how God had said I was loved and looked after. I had forgotten how God had brought me to the alter to say "I do" to my husband and then to the top of Pike's Peak in Colorado Springs where my breaths were short but I spoke a "thank you" prayer to my Savior.
If we only tell people that something is bad when it really depends on timing and circumstances, we only cripple them when suddenly that things is not "bad" anymore.